He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
