You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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