dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
