Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize