She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize