Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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