I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
