I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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