In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
