so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
