I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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