What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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