Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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