He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
