Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
