I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
