Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
