Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't deserve a penis
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
