If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
