How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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