I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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