How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
