I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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