dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
