she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
