Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
