He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
