I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
