Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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