did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
