Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
