I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
