i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
