i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
