I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
