just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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