I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
