Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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