My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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