You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
