Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize