Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
