whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
