I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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