i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
