pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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