you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
