Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
as a side note pls kill me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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