stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
