Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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