I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
