go do what you do best...puke behind churches
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
