I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
