It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
