I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
