Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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