ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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