worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
