If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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