Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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