so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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