So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
