a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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