im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
