lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize