I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
only you would photoshop your dick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
