I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
