How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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