Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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