im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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